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Saturday, March 1, 2008
moodswings i really have no idea how to start my post.. all i can say is i'm exhausted, stress, sad, dark(as in skin), pale from lack of sleep, and losing touch with God... i'm really sorry Lord if i've been dissapointing you nowadays.. but you know how fully loaded i am.. yea i guess you're right.. i should have time for you.. but i never will take you out of my mind.. even if i'm doing something else. My Lord, you're always in my heart.. i need you Lord.. even if i'm looking happy in the outside.. you know whats happening in me.. i'm all tears.. full of sadness.. my grades.. my grades.. i just had my common test.. i have the results.. i passed everything, well excluding French( don't start!) but not with flying colours i say.. i'm not satisfied.. and i know my parents won't be either.. i haven't shown my parents any of my papers.. cos i'm not really sure of how to give it to them.. and that i'm so not ready to hear what they'll say.. i'll just burst out crying while explaining to them whats happening at school.. yea even the express are dying. for english, 2e2 only had 2 passes.. for maths, i'm not really sure but it was rather bad too.. and for their science.. they're failing it too.. and i cant believe 2e1, considered the best class, are crying over their results... so understand me! i've got lots n lots of commitments.. npcc fancydrill traing, that boring French classes, projects and LearningHub.. i'm living in my school! almost every minute, my feet are just wondering around the grounds of Singapore or SembawangSec.. so i'm just wondering.. thinking of my loves.. atechin, atemissy and Deannebes... how free they are.. huhus... the sermon last week just struck me.. JC should be my single overarching priority.. he should always be at the top of my list.. never leave him out.. i'm really losing strength.. i'm really lack of sleep and my brain ain't working right... thats why i need you Jesus... "i need you Jesus to come to my rescue where else can i go" "if the world caved in around me to you i still hold on..." dearest atemissy's blog reminded me of how important it is to look for God.. and to push away all the worldly matters from oneself.. yea i guess i am one of those "some people" that atemissy is referring to.. those who get too caught up with the world and just lose yourself to it.. you tend to see the things that are actually not so important as a priority in life... you get yourself trapped into stuff that arent worth getting stuck into.. and forget that, at the end of the day.. God is what really matters the most.. from atemissy's blog: "some people get too caught up with the world.. rush rush rush this and that, they get sucked into the performance trap, trying to 'fit into' the world like at school, with friends and the rest. then they find comfort in that sense of belonging, but it is never satisfying. It is never enough. Enough is when you have Jesus in your life. Everything becomes less, less and less while He becomes more, more and more." having to read those words from atemissy's blog reminds me of myself.. you have this feeling that you're actually doing everything for Him but at the same time, knowing that you're forgeting something. get it? and only come to Him when you're in one of the deepest moments of your life.. i know i'm in the wrong although i offer every move i make to Jesus... cause i know i'm not really letting him out of my heart and doing his will... i know too i've been rather rebellious at school i admit... most of the times, anger just plunges itself on me and i don't have enough time to think of what i will be doing next... flashbacks of my baptism 2weeks ago... finally got into my head.. this is my newlife... was dead from the old self and now alive with my new self shouldn't i be living it with Jesus? its true.. difficulties struck when you don't ask for Him.. thats why i'm praying for guidance and wisdom... i'm praying for Jesus to be with me every step i take in my life... i need you Lord to rule over me... and may i be a great servant in your eyes... a great child in your eyes.... i love you Lord.. and i offer up myself to you... i'll cling onto you and will never let go... Saturday, March 01, 2008
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