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Saturday, May 9, 2009
it's been three days since we're through. &im still hurting inside. like he strung me on..i found out a lot of things. &he liked someone else when he was with me. that he really wants to forget me that he sort of hates me that he doesn't want to cherish the memories after 1 whole year. that he doesn't love me anymore.. that he doesn't want to talk to me that he doesn't want anything that has got to do with me not even being friends that he did a lot of things behind my back that he gave up on me lil by lil ever since that he doesn't care anymore that i'm nothing to him anymore that i've been loving some one who didn't quite feel the same way anymore that i'm still loving him when he totally gave up already that im hurting when he doesn't care that i fell sick &having a fever because of him that he won't take care of me like i did for him when he had a high fever that he won't even go near me that when i look into his eyes, i don't see his love for me that when my back is turned, he's doing something with her that when they don't know it, i'm looking at them from afar that i'm crying inside, but putting up a strong front that when i shout at him even though i don't want to, nothing goes into his head that when i shout at him, he jsut says things for the sake of saying that when i shout at him, he doesn't care that when he shouts at me, he doesn't see what's inside of me that when i want him as a friend, he doesn't want to accept my offer that when i still love him now & that my love for him hasn't changed at all, i'm making a fool out of myself that when i tell him he's different &he changed for the worse, not for the better, he doesn't seem to think so... that even though i want to give up too, i can't because i'm still inlove... there's so much things, so little time my prince left me when i waited for him every night since that day, i keep waking up dreaming about him, crying in my dreams. then waking up, most of the times crying too then when he's with her, i'm watching them.. hurting, envious, angry, frustrated. &everytime i feel this way, i feel like killing myself so atleast i won't have to go through this pain while he's there enjoying &being someone else.. while i'm here hurting so badly he strung me on... why'd he have to do that? he said cos he didn't want to hurt me but he should know that it would hurt me even more now... then now, what is he showing me? making me feel jealous on purpose? please stop, i beg you. i wont even go between you two jsut stop hurting me you know you're free now so why hurt me some more let me live in peace let me smile again let me look away after staring at your eyes without feeling hurt let me hear the thunder that roars when it rains without covering my ears &thinking of you let me laugh &smile with you as friends cos i really want to start afresh i know you dont care anymore but give me some respect &be a good boy &stop hurting me why do you like to hurt me so much? i never wanted to hurt you, so why you? it'll take awhile for this heart to heal i just need time i just need space let me look at you from afar, without hurting myself let me stare into space without interruptions because im still not over you its not easy don't know why it was for you i thought you really loved me i thought you wouldn't let go i guess i was wrong thanks for proving that to me im very tired of crying very tired of staying in this dark room im very tired of being lost &confused so just let me love you until the right day comes then i'll start hating you bit by bit like you want me to... all those words, hugs etc they're lies in the end &i'll try to accept that just smile at me when you see me please so i know i'm still someone to you even just 1% Saturday, May 09, 2009
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