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Sunday, May 31, 2009
well, i took time to read my archives. never thought that i went through so much.. it suddenly occured to me how much strength i had in me during those times looking back, i really loved him tears are rolling down my face once more i guess i found out that, i still haven't moved on. not completely maybe i just really tried to block the feelings away so i can smile & laugh once again. i wanted to force myself to forget everything because i didn't want IT to affect my life too much. but in the end, just when i thought i was okay, i'm actually lying to myself i still love him... so much... it never changed... i guess it's still too early for me to say that i've moved on. c'mon, it hasn't been a month at all. but looking back, i also found out that he was one reason why i kept myself going... he made me a stronger me everyday with him, i remembered that i always had this special hope for the both of us to work it out no matter how hard it was i really wanted things to be right between us cause we loved each other so much & i thought we were unseparable then when you finally broke off all things that had got to do with us, i still kept going on... although of course there were those days when i couldn't take it &i really wanted to hate you for everything. i really wanted you to feel guilty & see the hurt i had to carry. but... Ilham really gave me strength i miss him, yet i really want to stay away & stay strong. i want to know that he's happy, even without me because that's all i ever wanted for him to be happy... i want to prove to him that he changed me for the better. i dont want to lie to myself so i do still admit that i have not moved on. but i won't deny that i love it now than before. if you're reading this, i just want to say thankyou because if it weren't for you, i won't be the AJ you see now laughing & smiling when there's an opportunity i might be crying now, but trust me, i'm happy... i just miss the way we were i hope you're true to yourself because i know i want to be true to myself thankyou for making me. i'm not perfect, so i hope you accept my flaws there were good times... i love you, forever as a friend, & as once my other half thankyou... goodnight Sunday, May 31, 2009
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