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Friday, July 23, 2010
Apologies Ever gotten tired of being pulled in, even when your real intentions were good? Ever gotten tired of being accused of something you did not do, &despite your explanations, nothings seems to work? Ever gotten tired of being ignored, even though you're not sure what you did wrong or what you're doing wrong? well, i have... almost every single day since last week. But a mask is needed, because there really is no point in sulking or crying or even getting mad, because somehow, it's just not worth it. they're not worth it... In my case, no matter how tired i am for putting on a strong front, or getting hurt, they are still worth the fall... Certain mishaps have been around since last week. yet i'm not quite sure why i'm getting affected or why i'm involved. i haven't said anything here because i didn't want to make to publish it. It's just that now, i feel so, how do you put it... i feel so claustrophobic you know. lol, i meant it in a strange frustrated way. So to you, my darling, i hope it's nothing personal... because it's nothing like you think it is. i'm only there for her, & as a friend, i want to be there for her. Perhaps i've already explained all that i can explain to you. i hate talking to you knowing that you're hesitating to talk to me. i can feel the distance, i can feel the hurt but i try my very best not to put it between us. I cry, because of what's happening... I really really pray that we're gonna be alright. like for real... you can take my word that i'll never ever replace you as her best friend. You are rightfully hers darl. i love you, as much as before & you'll always be my darl... & dear you, i'm not too sure if my assumptions about us is actually real, but by the looks of it, our friendship's breaking. i don't want to blame you, but i'm not trying to avoid you... i don't want it to break, nor do i want you to ignore me or hate me because of the fact that i ____ ____ (i'm sure you know what words fit perfectly there). hmm, please... i really don't want to lose you... it's the last year... i don't want to lose you because of it/her/him, because it's really not worth tearing our friendship over... nothing will happen to me & it/her/him. I'm only in love with the fact that we're just close friends & nothing else because i don't want anything else to happen. trust me, i don't want to hurt you. &to tell you the truth, i told it/her/him too that i don't want to hurt you so i wouldn't ask for anything else. i understand how you feel, because i felt that way too when you were close to I, that's why i'll understand you. So i really hope we'll fix this... Gosh, this is so heartbreaking... it'll be my birthday in 2days time, but probably because of this, the two of you are not coming for the bowling... Father God, help me, help us. I love them, very much. Tell me what i should do. Lord guide me, help me fix this... because i'm so lost. Help me be your instrument, help me be your example. i don't want to lose my friends. Not now, not ever... I'm so ugly in your eyes God, help me redefine beautiful again... Friday, July 23, 2010
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